The fact that such a person doesn't exist is exactly the point that you otherwise seem to have missed. Given that, as you say, nobody is having an abortion for a "kick", there is no need for a counter argument against such a party. It's not about whether you should or shouldn't have an abortion - it's about whether a woman should be judged, shamed, impeded, and ultimately literally fucking criminalised for what they do with their body. No-one is arguing that you or anyone should have an abortion, so there's zero reason that you, or anyone else, should stand on a soapbox and tell people why they're bad. This isn't a conversation about virtue ethics, this is about policing other people's bodies.

The context that you're also likely missing is the kangaroo-court nature of the pro-life lobbying at Oxbridge. The backstory to the now-infamous "Stepford Students" Spectator issue was a "debate" - where in fact, all sides were middle-aged pro-life men, hosted inside a freshers accommodation building at Christ Church, circle-jerking themselves to climax about how much they all agreed that abortion was evil. That sounds a lot like the diatribe you dislike - and this one actually causes harm.